
The door is open…
The gate too…
Still drifting here in the space between…
One foot inside the threshold, the other out…
Why am I not moving?
Everything, absolutely everything… needs to be done yesterday.
While everyone tries to clamber their “normal” back
Into lives and a world that has already shifted
From where we left off, before disrupted.
Is “normal” somewhere I need to be?
Was I there before?
A friend suggests ” I’m that age now”… like this is a secret code about
Not knowing anything about anything anymore …
As if age makes you incapable of unlearning”…
Is that where normal is and where I should return to?
Now?… right now, I want to be still and quiet
I need to be… still and quiet
But ‘normal” asks me to return … to be productive and recover
Produce and return,
Re-emerge…
From what ? … did something stop?
I feel like I’ve been on forever…
Always on but maybe not on the right channel
… produce and return?
My making isn’t for production,
It’s for being…and becoming
It’s for drifting between until something emerges…something comes
To unlearn, listen and discover…
To speak … sometimes in half completed sentences
To manifest then dissolve… repeat…
To hear …words in my ears that I can’t form into sounds in my mouth
Ssssssssssssss… ssssssshhhhhhh
Sometimes I speak and it’s all shit I don’t believe and it goes unnoticed…
Maybe that is when I return to normal?…
Ssshhhhhh…
Close the door.
Listen.
She’s singing … “give me the beat girl to free my soul I want to get lost in your rock and roll and drift away”
Eyes closed… one foot on the threshold
Drift in between…
Be…
Become…
Re-emerge…
Repeat.